Come to Terms: Accepting the Need to Use a Gestational Surrogate

Dealing with infertility and accepting the reality you need help having a baby is often difficult. We “What if” ourselves a lot. We bargain. We cry. We become angry. So when we hear the news that to have a child we need to rely on a gestational surrogate not only can that be a big pill to swallow we need to think about if this is something we are ready for.

Making the choice to have a baby via gestational surrogacy is a decision that is going to affect a lot of people. Because of how intimate and delicate these situations are it can take a toll on everyone’s emotions. There is so much to take in, work through, process and consider – the feelings of your surrogate as well as her family, your unborn baby, as well as yourself.

• The biggest question you must ask yourself is how you feel about someone else other than yourself carrying a baby on your behalf?

• If you are married or partnered are you both on the same page? Are you both ready? If you are single do you have a good support system to help you through this process?

• Are you ready to make the leap from your current fertility treatment to the next stage which is surrogacy?

• Have you thought about how you are going to talk about gestational surrogacy and the explanations surrounding this to your family, your friends and most importantly to your child?

Then of course you have to think about selecting a gestational surrogate, the time commitment from all parties, the medical procedures that will be required, the legal process that is going to be involved, travel considerations, what a gestational surrogate pregnancy will look like, the delivery plan and all of the post-delivery details.

All of these things can be talked through, worked out and processed with the help of a professional team to help you navigate and facilitate the experience.

Your team should consist of:

• A psychologist who is familiar with infertility and third party reproduction. He or she will help you talk through the feelings you may be having regarding infertility, grief, surrogacy, your treatment plan, pregnancy, bonding and parenting.

• An experienced surrogacy agency that will facilitate and coordinate your entire process – from A-Z. Your agency is the glue that keeps everything stuck together.

• An experienced fertility clinic that is your medical team that will do the medical piece of the surrogacy cycle.

• An experienced lawyer who is well versed in surrogacy, third party reproduction and the laws pertaining to that.

• A strong support system – friends, family, or community that you can lean on during the cycle.

• And last but not least – your surrogate. Finding the right surrogate takes time. It’s important to find a gestational surrogate that’s going to be a good fit for you and your family.

Granted there’s lots to think about as you make the leap from carrying a baby yourself to contracting with a surrogate to carry your baby on your behalf. However, surrogate cycles are done every day, all over the world and there are many happy, healthy outcomes. It just takes work, commitment, and patience.

We hope this takes a little of the stress off your decision making. For more information on using a surrogate mother through gestational surrogacy, please check out our website at