Regardless of whether you are the gestational surrogate or the intended parent an IVF cycle can and is often an incredibly stressful time for both parties.
It’s very normal and easy to ride what we deem the IVF roller coaster regardless of what role you are taking during this ride. Your feelings can go from day to day – or even minute to minute. You might feel incredibly positive that it’s going to “work this time” – this is the one! You just know it. Then, you might feel on a dime that it’s never going to work – gloom, gloom, gloom – you will never become a parent and you will live a life without children, sad, lonely etc…
This is where I am going to say to you that I validate and honor your feelings; I really do. We’ve all been there – you know, shifting between feeling great, positive, happy, negative, pessimistic and of course scared – really scared. It’s hard to keep your feelings in perspective sometimes. The best advice from one infertility patient to another is to own your feelings – acknowledge that this might not be a great IVF day and that you aren’t feeling positive and upbeat but down right scared or depressed. It’s okay to say “Wow this is a lot of money what if it doesn’t work!” Because the truth is you’re right it’s a lot of money and you are spending a lot not only monetarily but emotionally as well.
If you are the gestational surrogate you might be feeling an inordinate amount of pressure – you want this to work for your intended parents. You’ve made a commitment to be a gestational surrogate and carry a baby for another who otherwise cannot and you all want the same outcome a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end.
If you are the intended parent you have a lot on the line – money, time, emotions. You want to support your gestational surrogate as much as you possibly can and it’s normal for you to be biting your nails waiting on the outcome of an IVF cycle.
One of the best things that I found gave me great comfort was learning about and utilizing “Affirmations”
Affirmations are positive statements that describe your particular experience or situation. We undergo a lot of pressures these days just staying upright, healthy, working to pay the bills and just living life, right? During fertility treatments the pressure is on to remain calm, present, positive, and mindful. A big order for many to fulfill and reproductive therapists will tell you that how we think can play a big factor in outcomes.
The cool part about our brain is that it has the capability of being re-wired. (no really!). To quiet your mind during all the phases of the IVF process we have to acknowledge and own all of the old tapes that run in our heads and throw them away. Get rid of that “stinkin thinkin” – you know those negative messages: “It’s not going to work” “We don’t be parents” etc.. Anything negative get rid of it.
For us to change our thinking, recode our brain or change the wiring you have to like anything you want to be good at – PRACTICE. This means we have to embrace a new way of thinking – and like anything the more we practice the better we get at it. So instead of being the half empty glass person we become the half full glass person. The reason this is so important is that the more we embrace and practice positive thinking the more we have the ability to “hard wire” those thoughts to our already established thinking patterns – we actually exchange positive thoughts with old thoughts and the negative thoughts patterns that aren’t doing a bit of good.
Some employ life coaches or reproductive therapists to help them along with this process – especially when we begin to hard wire our new thought process.
During the egg donation stage (if you are using an egg donor):
“My egg donor is going to create lots of healthy eggs”
“We will create many healthy embryos”
“Our egg donor will respond well to the stimulation medication and complete a smooth cycle”
“Our egg donor will experience a positive and easy retrieval”
“I am putting out positive energy to the Universe and the Universe is putting positive energy my way”
During the embryo transfer stage:
“The Universe is hearing my needs and will fulfill them”
“Everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to”
“The gestational surrogates waiting uterus has a perfect lining like a big fluffy bowl of mashed potatoes just waiting for embryos.”
“Our embryos went to the right spot and have settled in for the next nine months”
“I am enveloped in much love and caring”
“Our gestational surrogate is enveloped in much love and caring”
During the two week wait and after:
“The two week wait is going to go by quickly with a positive outcome”
“The Universe is hearing my heeds and will fulfill them”
“Fear is not in my vocabulary”
“Our gestational surrogate is in the best shape to carry this pregnancy”
“I am going to have a smooth pregnancy and a great outcome for my intended parents”
“My body is smart! It knows what to do even if my brain might not think so”
“Nothing but goodness is going to come to all of us during this IVF cycle”
“The baby is safe and happy”
“This pregnancy is going to be healthy, we love and care about our gestational surrogate”
During my IVF cycle I did a lot of visualization – I cut out photos of newborns and posted them on my bathroom mirror!
Whatever it takes and works for you – as Nike says “Just do it”. But remember out with that old negative thinking and replace those negative thoughts with positive ones!
The caring staff at The Surrogacy Source is here to help answer any questions you may have.
The Surrogacy Source®, headquartered in Irvine California, is a unique surrogate program that provides the most optimal conditions for both surrogate mothers and intended parents. Our surrogacy agency is committed to providing the highest degree of compassionate and skilled care to all parties involved, including those interested in becoming a surrogate mother and individuals in need of finding surrogate mothers. As part of this commitment, The Surrogacy Source is registered with the FDA and is compliant with all regulations and standards set forth by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM). We are licensed by the New York State Department of Health and follow all HIPAA guidelines. We have been in business since 2003, and have served over 2,000 satisfied Intended Parents both nationally and internationally since inception. Our company is owned by a group of prominent and successful fertility physicians and business people with extensive experience in the fertility field. Our staff is proud to be part of this extraordinary process, and we strive to uphold the highest level of professionalism every step of the way.