How to be supportive when someone you know or love has been diagnosed with Infertility – – (And what not to say) Part 3 of a 3 Part Series
As promised, The Surrogacy Source would like to share the 3rd part of this beautifully written piece outlining a very sensitive issue… what to say to a friend or loved one who has recently been given a diagnosis of infertility.
Don’t ask why they are not trying IVF. You don’t know their situation. Most insurance plans do not cover IVF treatment. That means many individuals diagnosed with infertility are unable to pay for IVF Treatment, the out-of-pocket expenses, on top of the sheer physical stress, emotional stress and spiritual stress. IVF Treatment isn’t for everyone.
Please don’t do the shoulda- woulda- coulda. Meaning don’t offer solutions and don’t push adoption. Nothing irritates an infertile person more than hearing why don’t you just adopt? Or the age-old saying of you’re young, you have plenty of time to get pregnant. To begin with adoption is not easy. Couples have to work through many issues before they are at a point where they decide on adoption to create their family. Adoption is complex with many layers. And the whole you’re young and have plenty of time remark is just thoughtless. Please know your facts. Women who are under the age of 35 are encouraged to see a fertility specialist after trying to conceive (TTC) for a period of one year. Yes being younger may increase your chances of fertility treatments working – but it certainly doesn’t guarantee success.
Take your friend or loved one’s information to the grave. This means don’t be a gossip because someone you know has confided in you regarding their infertility issues means they trust you. Treat their information with respect. Do not talk to your friends, other family members, mutual friends, or anyone else about the fertility treatment of someone you know. Fertility treatments are extraordinarily private and it’s important that you respect the privacy of others.
Don’t be a jerk and make jokes about your friend or loved ones Infertility. The last thing they need to hear is something like “I’ll donate the sperm” or “I have so many eggs I could make the world’s biggest omelet, have some of mine”. These kinds of things are not only rude, they aren’t funny, they are hurtful and irritating.
Whatever you do keep please don’t complain about your pregnancy. The majority of infertile women would gladly change places with you in a heartbeat. Watching your pregnant belly become larger and larger is a constant reminder to those around you who are in infertile of what they are missing. Complaining about how you’re feeling is like rubbing salt in the wound.
Don’t be your friend or loved ones’ mental health therapist even if that is your day job. It’s not your job to interpret your friend or loved one’s feelings. It’s not your place to question or analyze the challenges they may face, for instance trouble they may experience having a second child. Secondly, infertility can be just as painful as primary infertility. And whatever you do never ask whose fault it is. It just doesn’t matter. Also don’t assume that infertility is just a female problem. Did you know that one third of all infertility is female factor, one third is mail factor, and one third is unexplained infertility?
By just following the advice of these last few posts, and using common sense you can easily be that person that those you know or love affected by infertility are the one they come to – their safe port in their storm.
This is the final part of our three part series. We hope it has touched you and helped in some small way.