This topic is something near and dear to my heart. It’s something I talk about almost every day with intended parents and parents via egg donation from all over the globe – and they all have the very same question regarding their journey through egg donation:
“Who’s really my child’s mother? It’s me right? Not the egg donor?”
Let’s look at the word mother and diagram this word like we diagram sentences.
A mother is a woman who is raising or has raised a child. That is the simplest definition out there on the planet.
A mother could also be someone who has given birth to a child biologically, genetically, or through egg donation. We also have adoptive mothers who adopt newborns, infants, toddlers or older children and raise those children who have become part of their family. And we can’t forget Foster Mom’s – these are amazing women who open their lives, their hearts and their homes taking in children who need a safe, loving and stable place to say while their lives are in transition. These women know that foster children and their circumstances change rapidly and their focus is loving and caring for a child. The definition is also extended to gestational surrogates, or surrogate mothers who carry a baby from conception through birth and then give that baby to the intended parents the surrogate mother had agreed to carry a pregnancy for.
Because of the complexity and the myriad of differences of the word mother – the religious, cultural, and social definitions as well as roles its clearly a challenge to pick just ONE definition for the term mother.
Do I view egg donors as our children’s mothers? No, not at all and here’s why.
When we received the generous gift of our egg donor’s eggs they were eggs. They consisted of a genetic code of DNA that might when combined with sperm become an embryo which is in turn the blueprint or guide to becoming a baby. A baby that will be loved, honored, cherished and raise by his or her parent(s). Nowhere throughout the process does an egg donor ever entertain taking on the added responsibility of raising a child that she’s helped to bring into this world through her genetics.
In fact, it seems odd to even think that an egg donor would give her eggs to someone else in the hopes of having a baby that she could then raise herself? When we talk to egg donors and bring up this topic I am met with the same puzzling look and hear pretty much word for word the very same thing – “Am I the mother to the recipient parents child I donated an egg to – no that’s is weird!”
So yes, all you mothers via egg donation you are indeed:
Mother, Mom, Momma, Mamma, Mam, Mum, Mummy, or Mommy
To your babies!
For more information on IVF with egg donation, or if you are interested in becoming an egg donor, please visit The Donor Source at www.thedonorsource.com or contact us at 877.375.8888