Your Letter to Intended Parents

You’ve done it. You’ve decided to take the plunge into becoming an egg donor or gestational surrogate. You’ve spoken with your friends and family, you’ve spoken with your spouse. While some are skeptical, most are very supportive and admire your selflessness. You’re staring down the barrel of a multi-page application. You answer the hard questions; you gather all the requested info. Just when you think you’re done, you get to the last page … where you are asked to write a letter to your future Intended Parents.

You pause, unsure of how to put into written words what it is your heart so badly wants to say. That you empathize, that you want them to have their family just as badly as they do. So how do you say what you want?

As an egg donor you will likely never meet the hopeful parents who are reviewing your profile. Take the time to talk about yourself. If you struggle with that ask your friends and family to help you – who else knows you better than the loved ones you spend your time with? Elaborate on how you’ve learned about becoming an egg donor, why you’ve chosen now as the time to sign up. Be honest, and address the financial motivations for your decision – don’t let the compensation be the elephant in the room. Intended Parents are as happy to help you (via the compensation) as you are happy to help them so share with them your plans with the money (go on that long dreamed about Tahitian vacation, pay off that pesky student loan, etc.).

As a surrogate you will eventually have direct contact with the parents with whom you are eventually matched. Creating your profile, and writing your about me, can be compared to creating an on-line dating profile so don’t hesitate to utilize outside help to make sure you touch on your character in an honest manner, you want to share as much of yourself as you can so that your personality, and uniqueness, shines through. Parents are looking for someone that they want to have a relationship (whether close personal or a more distant business-like) with for the next year or so. Be true and honest in your motivation and what you really want from this process. You can talk about why you want to be a gestational surrogate, how you feel being a mother, and how you felt being pregnant. Are you hoping to walk away with a new best friend and niece/ nephew, or do you want to walk away a bit more distanced from everyone? Just as with the egg donor, what are your plans with the compensation? Are you looking to put a down payment on a house? Outright buy a car? Pay off some loans?

Above all else, be genuine and be yourself. Make sure to use proper grammar, punctuation and capitalization. The way in which you write your letter goes untouched by our agency staff, so be sure to use spellcheck in a document before pasting it into your application. Your letter to intended parents is a key piece of your application, where you’re not just filling in the blanks but really speaking to them.

Article composed by Arika-Avedano-Tucker, Fertility Source Companies Senior Case Manager-Northwest Region