You have searched countless databases and read through numerous profiles hoping to find the one surrogate you connect with. The search is over and it is time to set up the match meeting. How do you prepare for that? Hopefully this will help you do just that.
The first thing I suggest is to read through her profile again but this time have a note pad with you. Jot down any questions that pop in your mind as you are reading. Even if you think they are silly, write it down anyway. Look for things that you both have in common to share with her, this will help calm everyone’s nerves and give something to talk about other than the “technical” things. You and your surrogate will have an opportunity to share a bit about your personal history at the start of the meeting and having something fun to share will ease tension and make the other topics a bit easier to discuss.
Pay close attention to the surrogate’s views on termination/reduction. This is a very sensitive, but important subject that will be discussed in-depth during your meeting. Take some time to think about your feelings on this so you can share them with your surrogate. It is important to be as specific as possible when discussing if and when you would consider either. We want to make sure everyone understands the seriousness of this and agrees with each other completely.
Another topic of discussion to put some thought into is whether or not you would like your surrogate to pump breast milk for you. Most surrogates are very willing to do this and it provides opportunities after the birth for you and your surrogate to stay a bit more connected. If your surrogate is remote, it is still possible. Breast milk can be frozen and shipped out weekly or monthly. I have found that many people don’t think about this until it is brought up at the match meeting. It is an important subject to prepare for ahead of time.
This brings me to the “relationship” part. Surrogates are excited to be a part of something so beautiful and want their parents to be as involved as possible. They want you to be able to experience the pregnancy as much as you can through them and love developing that special bond with their parents. Communication and relationship expectations will be talked about early in the meeting and, while it is a bit difficult to predict exactly how the relationship will develop, think about how you see it growing.
With all the technology we have available today, even the most remote matches can develop truly close relationships. It is nice to be able to share with your potential surrogate the type of relationship you would like to have with her early on. Do you plan on attending some or all appointments? Even if your surrogate is in a different state, there are still ways for you to “be at appointments”, without actually having to be there. FaceTime and Skype are excellent tools to take advantage of for this. What about the delivery room? Who do you want to be in there at that special time? Are you comfortable with the surrogate’s children being able to meet you and see you with baby after the birth? All of these are important things to prepare for.
This is a very exciting time for you and your potential surrogate. Everyone starts out very nervous, even your case manager so don’t worry about that at all. Your case manager will be there to guide the meeting and make sure all the important details are covered and help you make that final decision on whether or not this is the person to help you grow your family. Take full advantage of the time and do not be afraid to ask questions, even the “silly” ones.
Best of luck on your journey towards growing your family!
Article composed by Fertility Source Companies Senior Case Manager-Southwest Region, Staci Padilla