Five Ideas to Cope With Infertility During the Holidays
The “Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/New Years” season has probably had a chance to slide into your life by now. But when you are dealing with fertility challenges, this can be a particularly emotional time. You may have hoped that you would have a child by now, or at least be pregnant by this holiday season. And with the holidays around the corner, you may be anticipating a conversation with your spouse about how to handle the family get togethers that may prompt someone to ask you one more time, “When do you think you will have kids? Did you hear that so and so is pregnant again?” or other similar, difficult conversations.
Common emotional reactions to infertility, such as depression, anxiety or feelings of not being in control, can become amplified during this holiday “family” season. As the next couple of months unfold, try to remind yourself to accept and let go…accept and let go. There are things you can control and there are things that will come in their own time. Accept the fact that these can be difficult, although hopeful times. Be open to knowing that you will also have some wonderful times during the holidays as you have in the past.
How can you go through the holiday season if you are dealing with fertility stress? Here are 5 ideas to make it easier:
Remember That Things Are Rarely As Perfect As They Seem On The Outside Looking In.
Part of the holiday experience is created by advertisers. Their loving, family oriented messages are intended to have you buy what they sell. Of course family holidays can also create cherished memories with people you love, but they also can bring stress and pressures too.
Your own childhood memories of family meals and trimming the Christmas tree may include wonderful, warm feelings. You are not excluded from these experiences with your own kids. You will watch your kids light the menorah, excitedly open presents and be filled with the love and tradition that you cherish. Your future dreams have not been taken away – they just have not arrived yet.
Prepare For The Inevitable Questions.
Do you have friends or relatives who will turn to you innocently and say, “And when will you be bringing your own kids over for Thanksgiving Dinner?” or “Well, do you think you will be starting a family soon?” Prepare your answers, so you are less caught off guard and less emotionally upset. With some people you may want to share your fertility updates. With others, it might make sense to say something vague like, “We love our nieces and nephews a lot. You’ll certainly hear from us if move in that direction too.”
Don’t Focus On Yourself Too Much
Giving back to others during the holiday season can be healing and fill you with a special kind of love. Can you serve Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless? What about volunteering at a battered women’s shelter? Immerse yourself in the season of giving in a way that makes you feel fortunate, as well as good.
Have You Considered Taking A Romantic Winter Vacation?
Removing yourself from the holiday scene is a great alternative for some. You and your spouse can fall in love all over again in a beautiful, relaxing environment. Being away, you can indulge yourself and replenish your energy and your spirit.
Surrender To The Fact That You Cannot Control Everything.
Despite your successes in life, Mother Nature can humble us all, and will at one point in life or another. You have been given the opportunity to develop courage, patience and wisdom right now. What you learn about how to handle adversity, for yourself and as a couple, can help you develop caring communication skills that can strengthen and deepen your love for each other over the decades ahead. Continue to work to accept what you cannot change right now. Remember that nothing is wrong with you. You have a medical condition that you will ultimately overcome it in one way or another. Consider seeing a psychologist that specialized in infertility if you feel, as an individual or as a couple, that you can’t get past some emotional blocks.
Tell yourself that during this holiday season, you will live life. Slow down, trust that your future family is coming. Perhaps the best gift you can give yourself is to keep the Dream of your child alive in your heart.
Laurie Kolt, Ph.D. is a psychologist that specializes in infertility related issues. She provides individual and couples counseling related to infertility. She also does egg donor and surrogacy psychological screenings and trains other therapists in the psychology of infertility. She is available to answer questions and can be reached at 858-509-1330 or LJKolt@aol.com.
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But when you are dealing with fertility challenges, this can be a particularly emotional time. You may have hoped that you would have a child by now, or at least be pregnant by this holiday season. And with the holidays around the corner, you may be anticipating a conversation with your spouse about how to handle the family get togethers that may prompt someone to ask you one more time, “When do you think you will have kids? Did you hear that so and so is pregnant again?” or other similar, difficult conversations.
