Stress:
The “Catch-22” of Infertility
By Laurel Kline
 Stress
and infertility are the “Catch-22”
of couples struggling to build a family. The more
involved the fertility process becomes, the more
stressful your life becomes. The more stress you
have in your life, the more difficult it is to
get pregnant. Friends try to be supportive and
tell you, “You just need to relax, and then
you will get pregnant.” The underlying message
is that you are not getting pregnant because you
are too focused on pregnancy and your intense
desire to get pregnant is the problem in itself.
The
fact of the matter is that infertility causes
stress. It is impossible to have numerous failed
attempts at conception without feeling some degree
of anxiety and depression. A study done by Dr.
Alice Domar at Harvard Medical School in
1993 attempted to examine the question of how
stressful infertility can be by comparing the
depression and anxiety scores of women going through
infertility with women who were suffering from
cancer, heart disease, and HIV (Domar, Zuttermeister,
& Friedman, 1993). The study found that there
were no significant differences in the anxiety
and depression levels of women with any of these
conditions. This means that, when you are going
through infertility, you could be as stressed
and depressed as someone who has cancer or who
has been diagnosed as HIV-positive. Would you
ever tell someone with cancer, “Just relax
and your cancer will go into remission”?
Would you ever tell someone who had been diagnosed
HIV-positive, “Just go on vacation and your
T-cells will go up”? Of course not.
Research
shows that patients who are stressed
and depressed have lower conception rates. This
is true for couples that are trying naturally,
as well as those involved in advance reproductive
technology. In fact, two studies have shown that
higher anxiety and depression rates at the beginning
of an insemination cycle or in-vitro cycle lead
to lower pregnancy rates (Demyttenaere, Nijs,
Steeno, & Koninckx, 1988 and Thiering, Beaurepaire,
Jones, & Saunders, 1993). Stress causes infertility,
and infertility increases your stress, creating
a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break
free from.
One
successful program for reducing
stress is the Mind/Body Institute, developed at
Harvard Medical School by clinical psychologist,
Alice Domar, Ph.D. She has created a 10-week program
for couples going through infertility. This program
has been proven to reduce stress and depression
and to increase conception rates. A study with
184 women in April 2000 showed a 55% pregnancy
rate in couples that had completed the Mind/Body
program versus a 20% pregnancy rate in the control
group. Dr. Domar’s program has been in existence
for over 15 years and is replicated in several
locations throughout the country.
The
most important tool is the relaxation
response. Most people do not know how to relax.
Maximum benefits are gained from relaxation when
you are able to still your mind from wandering
thoughts for at least twenty minutes. This is
when you elicit the relaxation response.
The relaxation response is a biological mechanism
that is regulated by the hypothalamus and can
be elicited through techniques such as meditation,
yoga, and mindfulness. When you elicit the relaxation
response, your heart rate slows, breathing becomes
deeper and slower, and you release endorphins.
In
addition, the Mind/Body program teaches
couples to decrease negative thoughts (such as,
“I’ll never get pregnant”) through
comprehensive cognitive restructuring techniques.
Couples also improve their communication skills,
learn to express their fears and anger in a more
constructive manner, and learn to incorporate
laughter and humor back into their lives. Ninety-seven
percent of couples that attend the Mind/Body
program become parents, one way or another, within
three years of completing the 10-week program.
Dr.
Laurel Kline is a clinical psychologist
and the director
of the Mind/Body Institute in Westwood, California.
For more information: http://www.mindbodyinfertility.com.
How
We Became a Family
A story about your child’s special conception
By
Gail Sexton Anderson
 Thousands
of children are born into loving families each
year through the help of third party reproduction.
One question that inevitably arises is, “How
and when do we tell our child?” As to the
when, I think it is best if it is part of the
fabric of your child’s life from the very
beginning. I recommend starting while you are
pregnant by keeping a scrapbook of the special
events and people who where part of your journey
so that you can get used to telling the story
of how your family was formed. The scrapbook can
also be a nice way to share with your new baby,
when he or she is old enough to sit up and look
through it with you.
If
you already have a child, it is also a way for
the older child to play a role in welcoming the
new baby and understanding his or her sibling’s
special story as well as their own. The older
sibling can help choose pictures of friends and
family that you will want to include in your new
baby’s journey to your home.
For
your child, how they came to be a part of your
family is a wonderful and exciting story. Children
love to hear stories about themselves. Your child’s
story is unique, just as every child is unique.
You tried for a very long time to bring this child
into your family and should be proud to tell them
their story.
You
might start by telling your child that it takes
very special ingredients to grow a baby. Here
is a sample dialog you could have with your child
to help them to understand their story when they
are old enough to comprehend:
“There
are seeds from Daddy, eggs from Mommy and a very
special growing place in Mommy’s tummy.
Mommy and Daddy worked with a very special doctor,
nurses, and a donor. Sometimes, one of the special
ingredients from the Mommy or Daddy can’t
be used, so Mommy and Daddy have to use either
seeds or eggs from a person called a ‘donor.’
A donor is a person who wants to help and is willing
to share their seeds or eggs so that, with the
doctor’s help, a baby can be created. The
doctor mixed the eggs and seeds together and put
them in Mommy’s special growing place. The
special ingredients grew and grew until they became
you, our baby. And when you were born our love
was made complete. We wanted you so much that
we found special helpers to bring you into our
family. You are the most wonderful person to ever
come into our lives; we love you as much as the
sky because the sky never ends.”
Gail
Sexton Anderson
The Donor Source
www.thedonorsource.com
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