The Donor Source Collaborates
with Dream Donations, Inc.

Effective May 15, 2008, The Donor Source began serving the needs of Intended Parents and Egg Donors formerly served by Dream Donations, Inc., including the patients of Boston IVF. The Donor Source, which has almost 700 egg donors in its active database, and which has relationships with over 100 fertility practices across the country, is responsible for over 300 matches of Intended Parents and Egg Donors per year.

The Donor Source has found that many fertility practices, including Boston IVF, have discontinued their own in-house egg donor program, or severely limited them, and are glad to be able to have a qualified agency such as The Donor Source provide full or substantial support to the Egg Donor needs of those practices' patients. The Donor Source is consequently able to maintain an ever growing, large selection of highly qualified Egg Donors.

The Donor Source is available to advise and consult with fertility practices regarding prospects for the company to satisfy all of those fertility practices' egg donor needs. The Donor Source's sister entity, The Surrogacy Source, provides gestational surrogate services to fertility practices and also strives to satisfy all fertility practices' surrogacy needs.

Deciding to Meet Your Donor – Is It For You?

By: Kelli Swan
Senior Case Manager
The Donor SOURCE

Should I meet my egg donor? It’s a sensitive question that can leave intended parents baffled, fearful, excited, intrigued, joyful and nervous…all at the same time. For some intended parents, it’s a must; for others it’s a must not. For most, it’s a, “Well, should I meet my egg donor?!”

The idea of anonymous in person meetings or phone calls with donors are a topic often brought up by intended parents as they begin their journey in choosing their egg donor. Many intended parents feel a need or want to speak with or meet their egg donor in person. They feel it may give them a better sense of who she is and why she is doing this. Some even go as far as wanting to take pictures with their egg donors at in person meetings so that they can preserve the special memory and share it with their future child(ren). These people are part of the group of intended parents that feel that they want to be able to tell their child(ren) that yes, we did meet your donor, and this is what she was like. For some, this decision is natural and is the obvious choice for them and their spouse.

On the other hand, many intended parents deeply value the anonymity the egg donation process can provide and request that none of their information (i.e., first names, occupations, etc.) be shared with their egg donor. They are the ones that choose not to meet their donor, and this can be for a variety of reasons. Some don’t want their donor to be able to ever recognize them, choosing not to let the donor see their face. Some want to preserve the image they have created of the donor based on her profile and don’t want to see the multi-dimensional character she may be. Some are intimidated by the idea of seeing their donor’s mannerisms or hearing her laugh and seeing those traits in their child(ren) in the future.

Before intended parents are able to realistically consider meeting their egg donor, psychologist Dr. Elaine Gordon believes there are often underlying psychological issues that need to be worked out. At her practice in Santa Monica, California, Dr. Gordon counsels many intended parents before they proceed forward with the egg donation process. Dr. Gordon finds that at first, many couples feel intense shame and overwhelming distress that they were not able to conceive a child in a conventional manner. Dr. Gordon says that this shame and distress is common and can even be intensified for some couples who decide that their egg donation journey must be kept a secret from all. Dr. Gordon helps intended parents work through their thoughts and grief and says that she finds even the most private of couples may eventually decide that yes, they intend to be honest about their child’s creation via the assistance of an egg donor. And some move on to decide that yes, they would even like to meet their egg donor. Though their thoughts on working with an egg donor are often complex and complicated, Dr. Gordon believes that all intended parents should at least consider meeting their egg donor in person.

As a Senior Case Manager who has coordinated a number of meetings between intended parents and their egg donors, I find that these meetings tend to go extremely well. Our agency requires that the meeting occur after the egg donor has passed her psychological and medical evaluations so that there are no surprises regarding the donor’s eligibility to proceed. At this point, the initial nerves associated with the cycle (on both sides!) have subsided and the parties are able to relax and enjoy the meeting. We find that egg donors often enjoy the opportunity to bond with the intended parents before the egg donor and intended mother start their simultaneous injections. This meeting can create a unique bond, as the egg donor is much more able to put herself in the intended mother’s shoes and move through the cycle with faith in what she is doing. After the meeting, the egg donor has a face and personality in her mind; this can result in her feeling more compassionate, loving, and caring in how she thinks about her donation.

One of the best meetings I have hosted occurred between egg donor Michelle and her intended parents. Michelle was the dream egg donor – caring, sensitive, sweet, and responsible. Though nervous, Michelle graciously agreed to meet her intended parents per their request. From her egg donor profile, the intended parents noted that Michelle studied the Italian language in college, so they requested that the meeting take place at an Italian restaurant in Michelle’s home city. Michelle and her intended parents hit it off from the beginning and once the conversation started flowing, it couldn’t be stopped.

About that first meeting with her intended parents, Michelle states, “Getting the opportunity to meet the intended parents was truly the best part of the donor process. It gave me a real sense of fulfillment and satisfaction as to why I decided to donate. My intended parents are truly lovely people and I felt so reaffirmed in my decision to donate after learning about their past, present, and future. I was very nervous before meeting them because I wanted them to approve of their decision in ‘picking’ me. The intended parents were far more personable and approachable than I had imagined. Meeting them in a safe space with my case manager made me feel comfortable and open to conversing with them. I don’t think my experience donating would have been as enjoyable without getting the opportunity to meet the intended parents. I feel truly blessed to have had the opportunity to help such wonderful people.”

Another one of my more memorable meetings occurred between intended father Nathan and his egg donor. Nathan was a single, straight male who was working with a gestational carrier. He found an egg donor in an intelligent, energetic, and charming young woman named Rachel. Because Nathan lived in a different state than Rachel, they met while he was in town for his surrogate’s embryo transfer. Meetings can sometimes occur this late in the process, sometimes even so far along in the process that positive pregnancy results have already been received, which can make for a very unique meeting and special bond. Upon meeting his egg donor at a restaurant, Nathan found Rachel to be mature, thoughtful, and a lot of fun. He later told me that he was very glad to have met Rachel, as he will now be able to answer some questions his daughter may have as she grows up.

Egg donors often desire to meet their intended parents because they want to see that their eggs are being donated to a happy, loving couple and that the child(ren) they are helping to create will be loved unconditionally. These young women simply want to help someone else and be reassured that they are doing a good thing for good people. Intended parents should carefully evaluate the option of meeting their egg donor and make a decision that is right for them and their family. The experience can be a memory that can be treasured and passed along to the future child(ren), but it can also be overwhelming for some couples. Whatever you may decide, it is important to look at the option from all angles and also to take your donor’s wishes into consideration.