A Long Road, A Happy Ending: Part 2
By Renee Glassman

Read "A Long Road, A Happy Ending: Part 1"
Part 2 continues below:

I later learned that insurance covered PGD a few years back but no longer does. This created yet another source of aggravation, because insurance views this process as elective, not necessary. Having children to me was very necessary, certainly not elective. However, finances at this point were the least of my worries. I was having a very hard time contending with the concept of not being able to have my own kids, the way I always imagined I would. Ever since I was young I wanted to be a stay at home mother of two children. This was my lifelong dream and it now seemed like it was slipping away.

Moving forward with the infertility treatment, Dr. Frederick asked me to stop taking my Prozac, and to begin taking prenatal vitamins. However, I still took the Prozac and began taking the prenatal vitamins. She started me on birth control, followed by Lupron, Progesterone, Estrogen and other hormones. I remember having tickets to American Idol and giving myself shots in the bathroom, because in order for this process to be a success, you have to prick yourself with needles in a timely fashion, despite where you might be at the time.

Our first IVF cycle was great; I did not feel any anxiety about the process. I had three healthy embryos transferred. Unfortunately, no pregnancy. I remember being mad at myself while I was on bed rest for three days, because I blew my nose, and could feel a slight pain in my stomach. I decided because I blew my nose and felt a twinge in my stomach that I probably lost the baby. I was clearly becoming a little irrational at this point.

For the second transfer, I decided to do things differently. I stopped taking my Prozac like I should have in the first place and ended up not sleeping for 6 weeks. I later discovered that this was a side effect to withdrawing from Prozac, albeit a very uncommon one. Every night, I would lie in bed and stare at the walls, and pray that I could get an hour of sleep. My aunt told me that I should count sheep. In the midst of feeling so sick, I found out that the second transfer was a flop; and there were no embryos to transfer. The doctor said I would need a donor, and that I should be the gestational carrier. Meanwhile, something was occurring inside my body. I was admitted to the hospital with a very bad bladder infection that almost spread to my kidneys. After being released from the hospital I decided to take a break from this process for a little while, I felt like my body really needed a break. I joined a fertility support group, and spoke to friends who were having fertility issues.

I began debating between adoption and surrogacy with an egg donor. I became so desperate for a child, I was filling out adoption papers and writing birth letters to the birth parents of kids who would be given up for adoption. I thought about the pros of adoption. I found adoption to be a lot less expensive. I liked the fact that I would be guaranteed at the time of birth a healthy child. I liked the concept of being able to provide a home for a child that is already alive and that is in need of a family. There are so many happy adopted babies. I knew I would love the child as much as if the child came from my own womb.

Then I thought about the cons of adoption. Two of my friends are adopted and went to search for their biological parents. They now have distant relationships with their biological parents. I selfishly wanted to be the only mom. I also heard of a couple of situations, where the intended parents had to return the baby to the birth parents. One of my in-laws friends were waiting for a child abroad for two years, and I did not want to wait that long, even if the average time to receive an adopted baby is eight months. Lastly, I did not want my children to experience what my friends experienced, the pain of wondering why their biological parents abandoned them.

Ultimately, egg donation and surrogacy was the route we elected to take. The doctor said I was able to get pregnant with donor eggs, and that I did not need a surrogate, but I elected to have a surrogate because my body had already been through so much. I loved the concept that my child would be my husband’s genetically, and I could pick the physical characteristics that I would want in the donor to closely resemble my own. I also could look at the donor’s medical history, IQ, personality etc. The only disadvantage to this whole process was the expense. I am very fortunate that my husband and I have enjoyed financial prosperity, and also my mother would also be assisting us financially.

I found myself needing a lot of support from friends and family, as this whole experience was very financially and emotionally stressful. I had joined fertility support groups, but found them more depressing then helpful. My friends kept getting pregnant so easily, and I kept attending birth celebrations and baby showers. Of course I was always happy for my friends, but I had maternal desires that weren’t being fulfilled and the weight of this was becoming unbearable. I felt less of a woman, since, to me, the greatest miracle of being a woman is being able to create life. I also felt relief in my decision to have a surrogate and donor, because there was a part of me that felt guilty that I could not give my husband a child. This way, the child would be his biologically. Now my task was to find an agency that provided donors and surrogates.

Tune in next issue for the conclusion of Renee’s amazing journey.